I'm not one to keep a good record of these things, to mark the month by month kind of growth and changes - getting three out of four (so far) baby books, mostly, completed is an amazing feat!! But I was thinking of my precious baby girl and how so much has already changed in these two short months.
Even over the last month alone...see the changes from last month to this month's, 'Wonderland' photos!?!
She's growing so fast!!
Okay...composing myself now...so I wanted to record some of the changes and little things I have taken the time to or just happen to, notice these past few days...
Just tonight, as I was trying to settle her - working on having her learn to fall asleep on her own better and maybe in the bassinet (?!?!), out of habit, I ran my lower lip across her forehead....and noticed...that sweet, sweet baby peach fuzz is gone! There's hair there, longer, not fuzzy anymore, hair.
Her feet. Still adorable! Still one of the most edible bits on her! But no longer that buttery soft, delicate, newborness. Not that that stops me from snarffling them in any way!
I am noticing the rapid change in her eye colour! I think we will have our first brown-eyed beauty!! She may go hazel like my second oldest gal - but I'm thinking....(and maybe hoping!? *wink*) that this little one will take after her momma!
And ohhh, her adorable faces....yes, ALL of them!! She has so many looks about her!! I can't get over it!! I smitten by her cheeks, her chin, her sweet dimples...all four of them! I love her lashes and eyebrows and her scrumptious ears! All the bits and all the expressions - how they capture my heart so!?!
And over these fast flying months, there is one thing I look back on so fondly - it is those first few nights in the hospital! I don't think I can articulate how special those nights were! I will never forget her precious little body, heavy in slumber, slumped on chest, using my breast as a pillow (lol!) and the amazing sound of her breathing - precious new life, a miracle in the flesh! If I pause, I can still feel the weight of her little body laying on me.
It's amazing how the days have flown. How our littlest, Little is just such a completing part of our family! And on that note...Dave and I have had some serious conversations about our family....and whether we are 'done' or not....it's really a hard decision....
For us...but probably with anyone, really...there are many factors to consider....but for me...and us...it's the fact that each pregnancy, after as many sections as I have had, comes with greater risk. Greater risk for miscarriage and greater risk for myself.
But how to decide we are 'done'....that our family is...complete....and how to go about it....
A few years ago...about four months before I became pregnant with Joseph, Dave and I came to a realization that we had too much control when it came to how we viewed our two children and the idea of any more. We realized that we needed to repent of our poor heart attitudes and give back control to God over this area of our lives. (more on that in this post)
So recently we have revisited these revelations. When we repented, at that time, we gave over the size of our family and the timing of when/if we were to have any more children, to God. And I cannot ignore how richly and amazingly He has blessed us since!!
But, now...a little over two years later, two more kids and two more C-sections...we stand...wondering what to do...
We know the Lord is the one who opens and closes the womb....but also, He gives us the means, tools and wisdom in many areas of life....so is this one of those areas....a place where we can just leave it all up to God and He will make the choice for us....or is having children a result of the act of love? Where-in God has granted us the means to make a choice in this matter.
Now, we know God is all powerful and that nothing...(but you know...not having fun!) is 100% guarantee for a means of birth control - I know that no matter our choice, God can over-rule it - I mean, we were told that we might not have any children....just saying.... I also know that God sees our hearts, He knows us and I know that He won't give us more then we can handle...but I know that He has granted much wisdom to us all. I have looked through His word and it is easy to see how it talks about the blessing that children are and oh, I agree - but how many are a blessing? Two, eight....sixteen??? Or one...is one still a blessing?
Of course they are!! The answer really lies in our heart. How we view the gifts that God has given, whether it be one...or twenty-one! It lies in our hearts in the reasoning's behind the choices we make to have or not have some, any or more. And I think at the end of it all there really isn't an answer....not a blanket, universal, I got it, you got it...answer! What I do know is that, I'm crazy blessed!! I'm crazy happy with my Littles and love them more then I could imagine a person could ever love something!!
And with all these thoughts and wonderings, I think it is why each moment with my sweet Alice is beyond precious. Why I linger to look at her, study her, when other duties are calling. It's why I can't take enough photos, pause long enough to watch her sleep, or kiss her enough times. And yes, it's why I certainly cannot hold her enough!!!
It may be my last time to soak in these precious baby days, of my own babies....our own blessings.
Then again...it might not be!
And...maybe it comes with age...or maybe experience....but whatever the reason...whether Alice is our last baby or we have oodles more....I can't express just how fast and fleeting the time is! How they are newborns and needy to growing kids on the way to independence in, what feels like, a matter of mere moments...the days just don't slow down!
So I have slowed, where I can, pausing, when I can and soaking in each moment...while I can, of these ever fleeting and oh, so special moments!
Now excuse me while I go snuggle my little ones....