May 13, 2013

Being Momma

Wow...5 years of being a momma - five...count em!  I'm amazed - in so many ways!  I'm amazed because around eight years ago I went to the doctor.  He said to me, "I just don't know.  You do not have a regular cycle, we can't even tell if you ovulate.  So honestly, you might never have children."

I was not prepared for this news.  I was only 22 at that time and to tell you the truth I hadn't given much thought to having children.  Not much thought in the way of it being a challenge or something that wouldn't happen just when we wanted it to.  No, I figured, we were married and when the timing was right, we'd have a baby. 

I felt terrible.  My husband and I had talked about wanting a family and now the future seemed so uncertain.  Would we?  Could we?  Was adoption an option?  Could we even afford that?

The months passed and with each one I waited for the sign....or hopefully lack there of, of my cycle.  But as the doctor had said, and as I had known for a long time - I did not have a regular cycle.  So months could pass with no period and it would mean nothing at all.

But that did not stop me from wanting....hoping.  And all I can say is, we lost count of the number of pregnancy tests we went though.

Then one night, I cried out to God.  I begged Him to take away the waiting.  I just I needed to know.  I trusted Him.  I could rest in Him.  If only He'd let me know if I was to wait on Him and His timing or to move on in this area of our lives.

My husband and I had sat down together for our bible study time.  We each prayed, separately and quietly before beginning.  I prayed to God.  Asking Him to tell me, to show me if I was to wait on Him or to know that having children was not in our future.

I did not breath a word of this to my dear husband.  Once we finished with our prayers, my sweet hubby opened up God's word and we read from Psalm 17. 

Hear a just cause, O Lord; attend to my cry!
    Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit!
From your presence let my vindication come!
    Let your eyes behold the right!

You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night,
    you have tested me, and you will find nothing;
    I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress.
With regard to the works of man, by the word of your lips
    I have avoided the ways of the violent.
My steps have held fast to your paths;
    my feet have not slipped.
I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
    incline your ear to me; hear my words.
Wondrously show your steadfast love,
    O Savior of those who seek refuge
    from their adversaries at your right hand.
Keep me as the apple of your eye;
    hide me in the shadow of your wings,
from the wicked who do me violence,
    my deadly enemies who surround me.
10 They close their hearts to pity;
    with their mouths they speak arrogantly.
11 They have now surrounded our steps;
    they set their eyes to cast us to the ground.
12 He is like a lion eager to tear,
    as a young lion lurking in ambush.
13 Arise, O Lord! Confront him, subdue him!
    Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword,
14 from men by your hand, O Lord,
    from men of the world whose portion is in this life.
You fill their womb with treasure;
    they are satisfied with children,
    and they leave their abundance to their infants.
15 As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
    when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
And it was there, in verse 14, that the Lord answered me.  I could have cried but I held this answer in my heart and I smiled.  He had heard my prayer and He had answered my cry.
It was some time before I became pregnant but during this time, I trusted in the Lord's word.  No, not always...there were still a few more pregnancy test and a few more times where I questioned that passage, but the Lord was faithful and when I least expected it, I was expecting!
And since that time I have now celebrated five Mother's days.  Five years of being a momma, with my first born turning six this summer!

The love of a mother for her child is something of a marvel to me.
How that first moment when my eye's lay hold of that precious life, I am head over heels in love.  How my heart hurts and aces with all the love that it cannot contain.  How I believe in love at first sight because I am a mother!
I watch them grow and change and become their own little persons under my care.  God entrusts to me, these little people to raise and train in the ways He wants for them. 
He has handpicked them for me and me for them. 
I marvel at all of this.
No, I am not the perfect mother.  Yes, there are days when I do take this blessing, of being momma, for granted....many days in fact.....but then there are days....many, many days...where I couldn't imagine anything else.
I could not imagine my life without my littles!
I know too soon these days will be gone.  My littles will be grown and will hopefully have littles of their own.  I know this and I want to relish these days....I hold to this fact when I have those other days. Knowing that I am blessed and that the Lord has given us more then we could have ever hoped for. 
I am still amazed at the fact that I am a momma and that I have three beautiful little blessings.  I want to enjoy them and this gift from our God.  I know that these children are just that, a gift.  And with each passing day, I savor their need for me, their desire to be with me and their sweet, simple love for me.
I savor...being momma.


  1. God bless you and thank you for sharing your answered prayer. God is good, all the time.

  2. First my salvation.. then my husband and children. My perfect gifts. Happy Mother's Day (a bit belated but heartfelt all the same) to a mother who knows how to count her blessings. I lost a blessing at 5 months pregnant 6 years ago. My loving Abba was so present at that time and He spoke directly to me through scripture in answer to my anguish. If only people knew how available He is and how much He wants us to rely on and communicate with Him!

    Blessings to you, Debbie

  3. Love this post...

    (sweet sigh!)

  4. Not perfect (none of us are!), but you love your kids so much and that is evident!

  5. Thank you for sharing the hurt and the joy that has been a part of your motherhood journey. :)

  6. Love this. So many different roads to motherhood, but I'm thankful God gives when He does. His timing is always so perfect.


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