Jun 12, 2013

Dollars and Dependency


...well....June is about halfway over and I was suppose to talk to you, earlier in the month, about how our "No spend May" went.  Now, let me just start by listing all my excuses as to why it did NOT happen....

....no?  You don't want to hear it....oh. 

Okay...fine then....let's just buckle down to the facts.


 
No spend May some how turned into, renovate the kitchen, May....?!?!  BUT...and here at least is some good news on the budget front, we did it with very little money!

You see our kitchen was updated and quite lovely, when we bought our house, especially for how old a home we have but it really just wasn't functional.  There are two windows, five doorways, a large old staircase and a pantry all packed into our sweet kitchen.  I also have, HAVE to have it as an eat-in-kitchen...it's just how I roll.

Anyways, the previous owners had installed new cabinets and counter top but not in such a fashion that an avid cook/baker like myself would appreciate.  I think, in their defence, they were trying to not block any of the above mentioned 'obstacles'.  But I needed better...flow and functionality.  So we set to work and in a few short days moved the sink and counters, added a new cupboard (and waiting to get a second one...see waiting...like until we save up the cash....or is it because my sister keeps forgetting to pick it up for us....*wink*  See God watches out for our budget even when we don't! *sigh*) we repainted (yes, I did just paint it in February but bare with me) and spruced up the entire space - and to date I believe it cost us under $200! 



And people - you should see this space now - this is one happy country kitchen loving lady, I tell you!  ....And you will see....by the weekend...I'm hoping! ;)

Soooo....back to the budget convo....well...I did not end up entering any receipts, did not really track our spending....it really was all around...not a good month in that regards.

We did keep within our means...and as usual God blessed and lead us in many areas.  I'm struggling with this responsibility.  I feel so overwhelmed by the idea of sticking to a budget - as I have said to a few people - I can make a budget, it's sticking to it that I cannot do!  Now that all being said...I have a little thought on this whole matter and take it lightly, as that is how I intend it and do not take it as an excuse to slack in this area....though I know how it may sound.

Anywaaays...a thought struck me this morning as I was mulling over the budget issue and my constant avoidance of actually making and sticking to one.  I thought about our financial situation...and though it's not ideal...it actually...completely, hinges on God!  You see, we suck...oh we SUCK at money management but in that we know that any good that comes out of this is of God.  Oh; do we ever acknowledge this!  And like I said, this is not meant as an excuse to keep on...not being better with our cash flow - but please, see the beauty of the situation in it's own sense.

Often I stand back and look with amazement at what God does in our life.  I wonder at how we make it some months and marvel at His constant providence.  No, we do not have much in ways of savings...no nothing really to speak of.  And yes, we have a small amount of consumer debt but lately it's not growing and even making small, regular steps to decreasing.  But I know that with all we have, and with where we are...it does not make sense.  Not apart from God.




I'm not saying that our lack of financial responsibility is in any sense godly, noble or wise but what I do see, is that in this complete, given over, hands off approach, God is at least carrying us through it.  He really is the one who gives and takes away and I find we are constantly at His mercy and constantly in completely and utter dependence on Him.

And I think this is all a good thing.  A very good thing.

You see, I am the kind of woman who will take charge if the need arises.  I handle pressure and stress very well and will often rise to the challenge when others walk away.  I'll take the world on my shoulders and half the universe if the need is there.  And so I look at our financial situation and in a sense I am seeing God in this.  I see that this area I do not take control.  I have yet to rise to the problem and seek the full solution.  Instead I am constantly looking up, looking to Him, to figure it out.

Still with me?

You see, the thought that came to me today was that I feel a stirring in me to be more responsible with our money - in mostly, the area of self-control but in regards to jumping entirely on the budget train...I'm not sure I am ready.  NO, don't gasp in horror!  Please don't think I have thrown in the towel and please, please do not think I do not need help, encouragement or guidance.  No, I desperately need all of those - but what I am realizing this day, is that God wants our dependence on Him and Him alone! 

Be still and know that I am God - remember that post?  Well that verse has been following me even more so since posting that -and it popped up a couple of times yesterday and I chuckled as I looked to my mug choice of today and there it was staring back at me.




So...what's the short of all of this?

Just that I know I have a long road to travel for God to change me, my heart and my self control in spending but I also see that He has allowed us the beautiful and simple truth of utter dependence in Him when it comes to money.  My husband and I care little about financial gain - yes a savings account would be nice - but when my husband's work told him he was being dropped down to three days a week for the rest of this month - our honest first thought...."Sweet!  More time together!"

I do worry about how we will make it sometimes, but God really has always been there.  He has provided in more ways then I can remember and probably in many more ways then I realize.

So dear friends - I will continue to try to gain self control, responsibility and a budget!  But in all of this I do not want to lose sight of the fact that God has carried our family along all these years in this area.  He has blessed us dearly and taken away to teach us compassionately.  He has giving us all that we have and we know it.  By earthly means, there is no answer for why we have what we have or why we are where we are.

But by God, we are right where we need to be - dependant on Him!






So then it depends not on human will or exertion,
but on God, who has mercy.
Romans 9:16



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6 comments:

  1. Kaitlin, Hi I am Connie and a reader.. Lovely post and it was just what I needed to hear.. I am so in tune with what you posted and "Be Still and Know I am God" is my favorite verse.. It calms me, it makes me realize when worry takes over.. I too, am not on budget, even though I would love to be.. I guess it scares me a little but all in all, I think for me, I just want to lean on Him.."Jesus" to carry us thru.. As I type this, this morning we will be hearing hopefully today if approval is there for our home purchase.. Not sure of the outcome, but we are 100% sure that if it is Gods plan for us,that all things will be good. If not, we will try again at a later date.. I have seen God work in my life so much in the last few years, more than ever..and I believe with all my heart, He will provide, and take care of us... So with that said, I think its wonderful that you enjoy that extra time with your hubby, I too would have had the same reaction...lol..and its wonderful memories made.. Have a great day and thanks for the wonderful post..

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    1. Hello Connie!! Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging comment! :D I was worried at first that I was all lone in my thoughts on this matter - except that I knew it was right where we are to be under God - it was just encouraging to hear that you are in tune to this too! :) Learning to lean and have complete trust in Jesus is so freeing - I just pray I will get to that point where that is all I do and I do not worry or fret but rest in Him, in whatever comes our way! Oooh exciting on the home approval - I would love to hear how it goes!! You can email me if you like (I would have emailed this response to you but your email did not come up with your comment in my inbox) my address is: kaitlinandrews(AT)live(DOT)ca

      And you are so right - Our Lord WILL provide and take care of you, it may not always be as we want or see it but He is there, carrying you along! ♥

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  2. Love it. You may not have the whole thing under control, but the fact that you want God's best in this area is good in itself. Keep striving to get it right. You are learning much along the way! Love, MAG

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    1. Thank you Anita! :) I do intend to learn and gain more responsibility in this area but when this whole thought come to me, it brought much comfort - like a great big hug! :) He's got this, He's got everything - I just need to better learn to leave it at that!

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  3. Interesting post. I had the thought when I read this that we ARE supposed to be wise stewards with what God has entrusted us with, but even good things like budgeting can become idols in a sense? I mean if we are obsessively focused on that and making it work exactly how we would like and not looking to God. Just another area that balance is needed!

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  4. "Where the heart is willing it will find a thousand way, but where it is unwilling it will find a thousand excuses." ~ Anonymous

    This quote might hurt a bit (If you think about it, it is the truth!) - but this quote has kept mulling over and over in my heart and mind ever since I first read your post. I've been meaning to comment on it for a long time...

    The idea of this truth isn't just in the area your talking about here but in a lot of areas for all of us.
    Myself the most... I see it everyday.

    Take it for what is worth. And let's encourage one another.

    BTW: I totally hear what your saying and I sure do love that verse you shared at the bottom.

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