Sep 1, 2013

And On That Note...Here's Why I'm Not Homeschooling...

Well friends...I must say...I feel kinda foolish...because I am going to follow up that somewhat lengthy and passionate post with a quite contrary one.

You see...after that post I have done some more searching (of my heart), praying, listening and considering.  My husband and I were up the other night and we came to some realizations that put a few things (finally) in focus and in that time we made the choice to not homeschool this year.

Yes, for this year - one year...or semester even...at a time. 





Okay, so the why of it, right?!? Well....let's make this simple, sweet and honest. (and please, this isn't meant as a debate.  It's not a stance per-say, no soap box here, this is really just my story and my feelings about all of this, for us, for right now.)

First I still stand by this statement from my last post;

"So I made the choice, when I realized that the issue was not that I needed a break from my kids - it was quite the opposite.  My kids were exactly what I needed..."

Oh! And this statement too;

"They are just little for such a short time and I realize that more and more.  They are growing crazy fast and the days fly by much quicker then I care to realize!  Yes, some days drag out and some days my kids drive my quite crazy....many days lately! ;)  But oh, those moments, those fleeting, special, gone in an instant moments, those are what make life worth living. "




And ironically enough it is because of these very reasons we have chosen not to homeschool!  Confused yet?  Well here's what it all boiled down to for me.

When I stepped back from the computer and the internet and my eyes were opened to basically my addiction to it, I realized just how much I truly loved, LOVE my children!  I realized that soaking up those little moments is special, wonderful, amazing, a blessing!  And I have been intentionally living for a couple of weeks now and it's making such a difference!  A difference in me and in the relationships around me - especially those closest to me!

That is, until I sat down to school my kids the other day.... and well...it all went to...crap!

I'm going to jump ahead and spare you the details of a tear filled, frustrated, sad and desperate time!  But basically things did not go well, as it often seems when we work on 'school' related things.  I have tried many approaches, avenues and well the short of it is - I don't want to do it anymore.

I simply want to be their mom.





Yup, that's it.  I just want to be my children's mom.  Nothing more. I do not want to be their mom and  teacher too - not to say I won't teach them in many ways.  I do not want to have to correct each mistake or be so exhausted that I cannot celebrate their joys when they finally get 'it'.  I want to encourage them, walk along side them, see them grow, blossom and become the people God wants them to be and I want to be right there while it's happening but just as their mom, nothing more.

I have found with (yes, the few short years we have been doing it) that in order to homeschool well, the mom part of me gets a bit lost.  It's a hard balance to maintain and right now and at this season I want to just mother them.  Love them.

If I could keep my kids home and not have to steer them in the ways of an eventual college education, should they choose post-secondary, then I would!  I would keep them home all day and we would enjoy all those little, wondrous, amazing moments that God has giving us in this world.  We would solely focus on God's word, learning to live and also love like Jesus and to worship our God.  We would relish in visits with family, friends and whom ever came our way.  We would take each day as it comes and let the ebb and flow of life be our lesson plan.




But, alas, such is not the ways of this world.  No, in this world I am by law, required to educate my children the way that our government sees fit.  Now, I'm not going to enter into the arguments that I can ignore the government, or that I can choose to school them how I please; I see validity in those stances and may get there at some point and in some fashion.

But for right here and right now I just want to enjoy my children. 

I hope at some point to return to homeschooling, as it has much to offer but for me, my littles and our season of life - sending them to school is our choice.  We have selected a wonderful and very small Christian school to send them to and I will be volunteering for this school.  So far I will be teaching twice a month, a one hour art class to the older grades but I will also be able to participate and be very much involved with my girl's and the things they do at school.

So we are all excited and yet still, slightly nervous and anxious as to what lays ahead. 





But I am most excited to just dust the weight of home education off of my shoulders and heave that already heavy love load of motherhood.  I adore these little people that God has blessed us with and though I don't want to miss a moment of it, having to school them myself is actually causing me to miss much of them. 

Miss being able to just mother them.

And so, on Tuesday my two sweet girls will be off to school.  I will drive them there myself and I will eagerly be waiting for them when the bell rings at the end of the day.  I will scoop them up in my arms and smother them in love, sweet, unbridled, mom love!

I realize that this may not make sense to everyone - but it's the first thing that has made sense for me in a while.  And like I said, these days of littles are flying by, much, MUCH too fast and that is why I want to spend the time I have with them, with them. I want to really take in the moments that are fleeting, precious and gone in an instant and not have to hurry along to the next lesson plan, chapter or criteria. 

I thought homeschooling was going to allow me more opportunities to soak up the little moments but right now, it isn't the case.  I have to divide myself between mom and school teacher and it isn't working.  I'm not able to focus on just them, on just who they are, the precious people God has given me.


 

And so for right now, this year, this season we are choosing not to homeschool.  We will take it all as it comes and re-evaluate in time, Dave and I are good at that it seems. I will still be living intentional, not wasting the hours between drop off and pick up with idleness or computer meandering.  I still have my baby boy at home and my middle one will only be in part time. I will still have opportunities to teach them, learn with them, grow with them.

But most importantly I will just be able to love them.


I will just be; mom.








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7 comments:

  1. I've really been struggling this year thinking about sending them to school. I've never wanted to homeschool. And always miss them but this year I just had thoughts that I could do it better. We would have more fun. It would be easy. In actuality I probably would be a drill Sargeant or resent them and it wouldn't be good for our relationship. So thank you for being so honest. I think you are a wise momma... And someday it may just feel right again.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Becky! It is my relationship with my gals that was the most important thing that came into focus for me - and right now, "just" being their mom is what is going to make that stronger! And you're right - someday it may just feel right to homeschool again! Thank you for your encouragement! ♥

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  2. I like what Becky said up there!!

    ((hugs!)) I hear you.

    Sometimes and recently I have let fear of man whell up in me that maybe, just maybe, it looks/appears that I,Bevy, doesn't love her kids enough if she has to send them off to school. Actually, in more ways than one - I love them enough to send them - because I just want to be MOM and still love them at the end of the day the way a momma should.

    It is all still up to God - at the end of the day. Continuing to pray through for another year..
    I sure wish we had an affordable Christian School to send them to - but it is what it is..
    You're blessed.

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    1. Keep in prayer Bevy! He will guide you!! There are big pros and cons to all sides, so waiting and leaning on Him is your best bet for sure! I'll be praying for all of you this year!! We are blessed that the school close to us is allowing me to volunteer to offset payment - or yes, we wouldn't have them there...

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  3. Woah, big surprise! I guess I am out of the loop ;) I support you in this decision - I think homeschooling is wonderful for so many reasons but if it wasn't working for you and was just making you frustrated and upset then that is not good for the girls (or you!). Hoping things go well and excited to hear about this new adventure!

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  4. I have been out of the loop and have not even read the previous post...BUT...I will say, your decision doesn't have to make SENSE to ANYONE but you and your husband! I think it's GREAT that you have seen that it isn't working right now and that's not FUN for anyone! God will totally continue to direct your family where they need to be and go...Enjoy the weight off your shoulders of "teaching school" and SOAK up the "momma"! {hugs} I think homeschool is great...but I'm not against public school either...my boys are in 8th and 11th grades now and have always gone to public school. Hindsight? I would have liked to have changed a few things...but it works for my family!

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  5. Hi! I am just popping in and read your post. I just want to say, that I homeschooled for only 1 year.
    My youngest 2, when they were in 2nd and 6th grade. (I was getting frustrated with my kids' Catholic school). I turned into an authoritative mom, as I was too rigid and too academic. My youngest was very sad. So, I may not have been a good candidate for home schooling. Luckily our school took us back, as I had not "burned any bridges" or voiced any opinions. My kids were so happy...because basically kids love kids (and in my family, not necessarily each other, due to sibling rivalry, as I have 6 kids), and kids relish academic competition that a classroom can offer. The important part of being a mom, is constantly communicating and teaching morals and religion...it is ok to let someone handle the academics if they do it professionally. Also, I always cherished my free time, while the older kids were at school, to devote the whole day to my pre-schoolers, as those early years are so precious. Finally, when I was young, I LOVED school. I would've been so sad if I had missed that. Keep up the good work! love,andrea (from the former bees and buttercups)

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