Sep 29, 2013

Selling Our Home -or- The War Within


So I told you in my last post, that we were selling our much loved country paradise.  It's true and well I also told you in that post that I would be back to give you the reasons as to why.  So I'm back....but I'm having trouble finding the words to write out the reasons to the why.

I think...well, I think it all boils down to the fact that....partially, I don't believe it myself!  I mean, when I moved here I figured the only way I was leaving was when I was being carried a box...if you know what I mean....


...not to be morbid, just in a "this is my forever home", kind of way....forever in that, unless God tells us otherwise....the thing I missed might have been that God didn't necessarily have to tell US...but at least one of us....and it seems that my hubby was in communion with Him and well has been feeling the pull to move for a few months now.

Now he, my husband, can't say 100% that God is calling us to move - but just that Dave feels that we are stretched too thin here and he thinks it would be best if we made some changes to better follow what he feels God would have for us.

Dear hubby thinks that financially this isn't the best option for us.  It's not that we cannot afford to live here but could we better afford living somewhere else...probably.  At the end of the day...err paycheck, there isn't save, to spend, to give!  So this place doesn't exactly have us living outside of our means, but living here and spending the way we would like to, certainly has us spending outside of our means. 

And then there is time.  Time seems to be stretched even more then our finances.  Where we are is a half hour from the city where Dave works, where our church is, where all the shopping is and it's twenty minutes from the girls' school (which I have to drive them to and pick them up from three days a week).  We have to mow about three acres of grass, chop over 20 cord or wood for heat this year, load that wood into the basement, we have regular house hold chores, farm chores, family time, visiting time, down time, creative time, time, time time....there just isn't' enough. 


The half hour drive has also made it so that we don't get visitors as often.  People love it when they are here but that drive both here and home...well it adds up!  And for us, often it's that drive that stops us from visiting, volunteering, being involved, and partaking.  Plus my husband is just tired of the commute.

 And friends....honestly...I understand....but honestly... I just don't want to let it go.

This place is more then I could have ever hoped for, imagined, dreamt about.  It's perfect, right down to the amazing neighbours and our fantastic telephone number!  It meets every expectation and then tops it with a cherry!  I sigh with deep contentment every time I gaze out the windows, walk the yard or sit and listen to the sounds of nature abundant around me.

Want even more truth...I sobbed when my husband told me we would be selling. Sobbed! S.O.B.B.E.D!  I know, I's just a house, a place to take shelter from the's just a first world problem...the idea of selling one home so that I can buy another one...I get that...I do.  But it's where I am right now, it's the place God brought me to, to give me healing and comfort after the loss of my dad.  It's the home where I envision my children growing up, running through the fields, climbing...and inevitably falling out of, the various trees.  It's a place where we would host many gatherings, family reunions, neighbourhood parties.  It was dreams of a wrap around porch, a guest house, a curious shop, honey bees, homemade cheese, bon fires and camp outs. 

 It was a dream.....brought to fruition.


And now a for sale sign sits on the front lawn.  I feel like I'm being spilt in two.  I see the wisdom in what my husband is saying, I can get excited at the possibilities of being closer to...everything and I can't help but get caught up in the idea of 'new' and change.  But then I take a long hard look at all that is around me.  At the beauty, wonder and majesty around me - the glory of our wondrous, creative, awesome, Creator.

But it's also that Creator that is calling us to be wise.  To chose the eternal over the fleeting.  It is my God who told me I would have one fantastic year - who gave me this gift, who wrapped me in His love and said, I will never leave you, I love you more then you will ever know.  He told me in His word and He told me in song.  He has spoken to me numerous ways over the last few months, preparing me and I never knew it....or didn't want to see it.

And I think I still don't want to see it.  I cling to what is, scared to look to what will be.  I have a hard time imagining packing up the boxes here...and the idea of driving away for the very last time brings tears to my eyes...even as I type it out.....but I want to give back to Him what He has given me.  I want to offer up an empathic yes to all that He is asking of me.  I know that my reward is in Heaven.  That I have eternity to bask in the glory and wonder of the Almighty....but in the right here and the right now...I can lose sight of that.  The war within is that my flesh says stay but my spirit, my heart cries out to follow Him.


I know that the God I serve cares for me greater then I will ever know in this life.  That my days are in His hands and that the work He has for me is far more fulfilling than anything this world offers.  I know that every good a perfect gift is from above and that I am more blessed by knowing Him then I will ever find in the riches around me.  I know that my heart longs to serve Him, follow Him, love Him and I know He is greater then the weakness of my flesh.  I know that as we move forward in this direction He will be there, carrying me along and leading us where He want us.

And if God is calling us to a 'new land', to do His His way....who am I to say no?  I am the one who gave nothing, He gave everything - the moving of my physical location is little value compared to all that Jesus gave for my eternal soul.  My home here is temporal but what Christ offers, that is eternal, and isn't He worth it?   After all He gave, after all my Lord has done - leaving this to better serve Him....that is more glorious then any old farm house, more lovely then any sunset and more beautiful then any view.

The sun shall be no more your light by day,
nor for brightness shall the moon give you light;
but the Lord will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.

Isaiah 60:19




  1. We've been thinking about you and praying for you!

    1. Part two, of this comment.
      And, so...
      How are things going? How is your heart? I guess I had better use that (special) phone number before it is no more... eh??

  2. Oh girl. I would cry too. It's my dream to have your house, but honestly in the back of my mind I fear the same would happen. Too far. Too much work. Too expensive etc... Just trust your man and your heavenly daddy. He'll take care of you. Praying for your heart.

  3. Thanks for this blog Kaitlin. You do write very well. We will miss you in the country but a lot of your reasons make very good sense. Trust God as you are doing and He will direct your path. AUnt Yvonne


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