Jan 1, 2016

Time to Say...

It's hard, so hard, to put down these final words....to try to express my thoughts and feelings, in this format, for one last time!  I still struggle with knowing if this is right and each time, I conclude it is.  Will I miss blogging? Oh yes! Yes!!  Even writing that out, I pause and re-read what I've wrote and my mind says, "Are you sure?  SURE????"



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It's funny that it's such a struggle...what is it that causes me to question this choice.  Is it the format that draws me back?  The creative outlet at my finger tips?  Is it the readers, you, my friends??? I think it's a bit of all of these....each of these has merit and worth in this endeavour and my reasons for why I have, and why I want to continue to pursue it.


But time, ah time; that elusive measurement and an apparent constant theme of my blog!  Not a theme that I intended to write about, certainly not as much as I have, but it is, I would say, the theme you can most readily trace through these words of mine.  But it's time that is asking me to decide; to decide how best to spend it in this new season before me.


I love the feeling of my fingers flying over the keys, it's comforting and freeing.  I like how my mind can empty as I type, unloading my thoughts, feelings, memories with no limitations, other then self imposed ones.  For seven years now, when time has given me a choice, it was here that I turned.  I clicked on that 'new post' button and began to hash out a post.  I eagerly would upload and edit my photos and pick the right music to set the mood.  (Remember they days of music players on blogs! I miss that!)  I gave the hour or two, or more, it took to work out the kinks, thoughts and rambles, to insert and arrange photos and then hit publish and await for the comments and thoughts (or not, lol!!) of others.


But time these days, my time, is begging me to make more and more choices.  It's such a valuable commodity, not like money....because, as I've heard, they print more of that each day! *wink*  But time, once spent, is gone!  And so, when given the choice, as of late, how to spend my time, blogging has fallen far down on the list.  I mentioned, in my last post, how I could maybe pop in now and again but I can't...I don't want to, and so I will wrap this up as if it's the end because I feel that this chapter is closing.


And what a chapter it has been!


Ugh, I don't even know where to start....I thought about reading over the years and highlighting favourite posts...maybe making a video montage, something like that....but then I knew I wouldn't be able to decide and would probably spend a couple evenings just reading posts and never actually get this one up! lol!!!


I will say, there are really two things that I have taken away from blogging that, I pray, will never leave me.  First, that I grew so much as a writer!  Your comments, compliments, encouragements and just the joy of this craft, grew my skill and love for writing more then I even thought possible!  It's something that has encouraged me and sparked an interest in possibly other forms of writing but I will see where that goes.




. And secondly...and I believe more importantly, is the friendship I gained with my friend Bevy!!! What a gift, what a privilege and joy to have had the Lord bring us and our families together. (If you missed that adventure you can read the fun and shenanigans here!)  And yes, dear readers, there are plans in the works for us to visit them this Spring!! I'm sure she will keep you all posted on that!!  I'm so thankful for her friendship and...well, words have escaped me on just how special it is.  How I almost cried, for joy, when they arrived at our house last Spring and how in five days we were Fremily and as comfortable as any old pals could be!  I look forward to many more adventures with them and will, forever, bug them to move to Ontario!!!

I love you Bevy! And I will keep "popping in" on you to read about you and yours and you will keep calling me and becoming more of a phone person! *wink* ♥



Those two things, I believe, are the biggest take-aways that blogging has brought me.   But it's time that I have gained in these years and, as I typed out this post, I was most terribly reminded of how precious and fleeting time truly is.  It came as news, sad, heart-breaking news.  A young life, one that did not know our Lord, ended on Christmas day.  He left behind his fiancé, family and only thirty short years on this earth.


I cry typing that out.


And I cry that it often takes moments like these, events like these, for me to acknowledge the stirring in my soul.  The stirring
 in me that asks me, "Is this all I am meant to be doing?  Is this really living?  Am I truly serving the Kingdom or am I caught up in this world...this life and forgetting what is eternal?"




. I beseech you all to consider the days, the battle for souls at hand.  For I know there are times I question our God.  I question His allowances, for the horrors that exist in our world, for the heart ache and honestly, I am so tired of death!  And yet, my heart, my soul acknowledges His wondrous, incomprehensible love.  How our perfect Creator even glances our way, deems us worthy...worthy enough to suffer for us, on behalf of us, when He is infinitely and truly good!


It is through this tragedy and the various losses I have faced over the years, that I see God's goodness....no, not in the moments, not in the actual events, far from it in those moments.  But in His goodness that there is hope, there is a choice.  There is a choice on how to spend the moments given and that all this will one day pass away and where will you be?


I want to be standing at the feet of the One who created everything and be able to say, "You forgave me.  I did nothing but Your son, Jesus Christ, gave His perfect life for my sinful one."  And I will walk through eternity with my Creator.




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Am I always faithful in how I use my time, no friends, I certainly am not.  Are all my endeavours holy, pure, righteous, sadly...and realistically no.  But do moments, like this heartbreaking Christmas day event cause a stirring in me?  Yes.  They stir in me the importance of this one life.  Of how it passes so quickly and in a moment so much can change.  In these moments I remember this is a war, a war for souls and for serving a God who gave Himself to save us.


And so friends, I pray that the words I leave you with stir your soul to consider the days before you, the moments you are graced with and to contemplate their eternal value.  If you can and do believe this is your one life and in the end you will be asked to give an account, what do you want your life to say?


For me, I want my life to say I served you Lord, the best that I could.  

And I want my days, the ones that make up this life, to be characterized by:

Love, for all people, without prejudice and judgement.
God's glory!  I want His glory to shine through all the big and especially the little, areas of my days.
Music, there is never enough music!
The A,B,C's. Art, beauty and creativity.  There is beauty in the world, you just need to look for it!
A Godly legacy, however He wants that to look like.
Joy.  Joy in various trials knowing this world is not my home and keeping my eyes on what truly matters.


...there is so much more I want to write out to you all, thoughts to leave you with and things I want to say...but then I think I have said it all, all that really matters any ways.  Know that I am ready to embrace the days a head, I feel a stirring in my soul that cannot be ignored for much longer.  I am ready to live, live fully for Him and though I am terrified of what that will look like, I know it is the only way to go forward.


I pray for each of you reading this.  I pray you know our Lord, know Him lovingly, fully, dearly.  I pray you make a choice today to see your time as precious and fleeting and that you see eternity as real and long and amazing, if you are walking with the One who knows you most intimately.  I pray you abandon your struggles, your trials, into His hands and let His strength and peace be what carries you day by day.  I pray your life brings honour and glory to the purpose for which it was created, to love and worship the One who created it!  And I pray friends, that your life be characterized by good and wondrous things.


And if you think of me, put on some music, breath in life and hug someone, anyone and know that I will be smiling along with you!




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Thank you for the journey!


Love, forever and always,
Kaitlin
xoxoxoxoxo







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5 comments:

  1. Tears streaming .... I can't even read the whole thing. I'm going to have to come back to reread. You write so beautifully... even if its the hardest thing you've had to write. :(

    You know - I hope you turn your blog into a hardbound book! These are done all of the time... Something I've been thinking about doing for our time here (with photos) of our living here on this farm (before that becomes a new chapter)...

    Going off to wipe tears..

    You are loved and will be Sorely missed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. Kaitlin, you really do have a gift of writing. I hope you continue to find different ways of doing it. I enjoyed reading your blog and catching up on your life, even though I do visit we don't often get a chance to talk like you do here. I will miss reading it. I love you lots and lots! Xoxo

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  3. I will miss your blog terribly, but understand your reasoning. The yearning to tell others of Jesus Christ is with me also because I feel very strongly that time on this earth is running out for all of us. I wish you all the best, Kaitlin. It's been a pleasure getting to know you. I'll look forward to seeing you in the spring on Bevy's blog.

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  4. Kaitlin, Wow, and I so understand with our friend Bevy.. I haven't met her in person, but oh I can call her a friend.. GOD connected you girls, and I said before, oh how the laughter must ring when you gals are together.. such a lovely friendship.. Now, I have to tell you, you are a writer thru and thru.. Your words inspire, and the inspiration you are doing by following your heart for GOD is such a wonderful way to end this chapter. I wish you well, I wish you wonderful days with you family. And you are so right on point, Time is something we can never get back.. Enjoy, Embrace and whenever someone hugs me(which I am not a hugger, sorry) I will think of you.. Take care..

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  5. I don't have an answer for you as to if it is best to blog or not to blog. I am a habitual blog-quitter! I go from wanting to live a hidden life to one of blogging friendship. It is a delicate balance to give proper attention to home life and blogging. I consider blogging to be equal to old-fashioned pen-pals. Yet the trouble is, that it is more addicting than writing snail-mail. If you quit, I suggest you get out a notebook and write down all your favorite blogs in case you want to go back to blogging. Put it away so you cannot see it. But someday, if you change your mind, it is there. (Trust me...if you don't, and you do go back, it will save you lots of searching time). I have quit cold-turkey (when I have quit). I have come back at least three times. I am now compromising by not having comment sections, yet I do comment on a few blogs. I am trying to put blogging in a measured prospective as it is fun; but, as any hobby, can take too much of our family time. Andrea

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